Jane, now 100% sane and heterosexual

Haggard now "completely heterosexual"
DENVER - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."
Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

"If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened."

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

"This is a good place for Ted," Ware said. "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed."

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

It's so good of these people to cure this horrendous homosexuality outbreak we have going on. This is truly God's work. For how can one be a good Christian soldier if one is not shaming someone else for something they cannot change? Better that these freaks live lies so that we can all feel better and more secure in our own sexuality. Of course they "choose" to be gay. Who wouldn't want to be outcast by pretty much the entire world minus Scandanavia? This is far more important than feeding the hungry, curing cancer, ALS, Alzheimers, birth defects, blindness, psychosis, dealing with global warming, teaching tolerance of different cultures and religions, working to end racism, ending poverty, negotiating peace or any of those other minor problems in the world. What a load off my mind. So good to know that this one fag is now totally back in the closet and full of shame and self-hatred again. Whew!