For a friend...

I ask anyone who reads this to please keep Puppy and her family in your thoughts and prayers, or better yet stop by her blog and offer your condolences. Her father just passed away.

10 Favorite Songs

Tagged by Tooners
I could put many more on this list but these are a few of my most beloved musical treats.

1. Overkill by Colin Hay
I feel this way all the time.

2. Fragile by Sting
Just lovely and smooth and sad.

3. Kon Kamenpe by Kalyi Jag
Kick-ass Romany/Gypsy music. This group moves something in my soul.

4. The Rishi Kesh Song by John Lennon
Raw and brilliant.

5. Sugar Rum Cherry by Duke Ellington
Just try and pretend you don't love this.

6. Black Steel by Tricky
Public Enemy cover and damn it's so deliciously good.

7. What'll I Do? by Mildred Bailey
One of the big-band era's best singers, shamefully neglected.

8. In the Pines by Nirvana
Heartaching rendition of a Doc Walsh bluegrass tune.

9. Rock in This Pocket by Suzanne Vega
One of my favorite chicks with a guitar.

10. Pump by the Sugarcubes
Dark, sensual classic by the Icelandic group.

I tag anyone who wants to do it. Let me know if you do so I can check out your list.

Worth a rerun..

HOW AMERICANS SEE THE WORLD

Reality Check

The Bushes: Delusional, Out Of Touch Puppet Theatre
Laura Bush's latest gaff highlights how these fools know nothing and run nothing

Laura Bush's latest ill informed outburst reveals just how deluded and out of the reality loop the Neocon puppets are. Mrs Bush told Larry King that she understands “how the American people feel” when they express frustration over Iraq, but then added, “[M]any parts of Iraq are stable now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bombing a day that discourages everybody.”

Think Progress has the video here.

Despite what Mrs Bush may believe, the Brookings Institution Iraq Index, as of November 2006, states that there are approximately 185 insurgent and militia attacks every day. The fact that maybe only one gets reported on per day is not because there is only one bombing but due to the fact that there is not enough time to cover them all.

(click on title to read full article)

Tina Fey

President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.

A new poll shows that 66% of Americans think President Bush is doing a poor job on the War in Iraq. And the remaining 34% think Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church.

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush's job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an F.

Hell in a handbasket

The US psychological torture system is finally on trial

America has deliberately driven hundreds, perhaps thousands, of prisoners insane. Now it is being held to account in a Miami court

Naomi Klein
Friday February 23, 2007
The Guardian
Something remarkable is going on in a Miami courtroom. The cruel methods US interrogators have used since September 11 to "break" prisoners are finally being put on trial. This was not supposed to happen. The Bush administration's plan was to put José Padilla on trial for allegedly being part of a network linked to international terrorists. But Padilla's lawyers are arguing that he is not fit to stand trial because he has been driven insane by the government.

Arrested in May 2002 at Chicago's O'Hare airport, Padilla, a Brooklyn-born former gang member, was classified as an "enemy combatant" and taken to a navy prison in Charleston, South Carolina. He was kept in a cell 9ft by 7ft, with no natural light, no clock and no calendar. Whenever Padilla left the cell, he was shackled and suited in heavy goggles and headphones. Padilla was kept under these conditions for 1,307 days. He was forbidden contact with anyone but his interrogators, who punctured the extreme sensory deprivation with sensory overload, blasting him with harsh lights and pounding sounds. Padilla also says he was injected with a "truth serum", a substance his lawyers believe was LSD or PCP.

Full Story here

Anger mounts in Zimbabwe as crisis nears
MICHELLE FAUL
Associated Press
JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - Zimbabwe is reaching the end game, witnessing the last, desperate throes of a regime that has destroyed one of Africa's few successful economies, plunged millions of people into grinding poverty and led to the deaths of tens of thousands from malnutrition and lack of medical care.

It may not happen Saturday, when President Robert Mugabe celebrates his 83rd birthday with cake and champagne at a $1.2 million party while hundreds of thousands of Zimbabweans struggle to survive on bread and water.

And it probably won't happen in the weeks leading up to April 18, the 27th anniversary of an end to racist white rule and Mugabe's ascension to power.

But years of abuse and neglect are culminating in untenable crises.

"People's anger is mounting," said Zimbabwean political scientist John Makumbe. "They're no longer afraid to go into the streets and I think the government is growing very afraid of what may happen."

Full story here

U.S. economy leaving record numbers in severe poverty
By Tony Pugh

McClatchy Newspapers

WASHINGTON - The percentage of poor Americans who are living in severe poverty has reached a 32-year high, millions of working Americans are falling closer to the poverty line and the gulf between the nation's "haves" and "have-nots" continues to widen.

A McClatchy Newspapers analysis of 2005 census figures, the latest available, found that nearly 16 million Americans are living in deep or severe poverty. A family of four with two children and an annual income of less than $9,903 - half the federal poverty line - was considered severely poor in 2005. So were individuals who made less than $5,080 a year.

The McClatchy analysis found that the number of severely poor Americans grew by 26 percent from 2000 to 2005. That's 56 percent faster than the overall poverty population grew in the same period. McClatchy's review also found statistically significant increases in the percentage of the population in severe poverty in 65 of 215 large U.S. counties, and similar increases in 28 states. The review also suggested that the rise in severely poor residents isn't confined to large urban counties but extends to suburban and rural areas.

Full story here

Have a laugh, life is short

Demetri Martin

A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like "What's your favorite color?" A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like "What's your favorite color... person?"

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.'

Emo Philips

"The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?"
I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

I used to think that the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I thought, "What part of my body is telling me that?"

Why Parents Drink

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I
speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy" whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed in a
helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.............
"ME"

Congratulations!

Best wishes and blessings to Tooners and Hashim on their new son, and to Dalulla and her family on their new son.

Jane, now 100% sane and heterosexual

Haggard now "completely heterosexual"
DENVER - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."
Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

"If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened."

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

"This is a good place for Ted," Ware said. "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed."

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

It's so good of these people to cure this horrendous homosexuality outbreak we have going on. This is truly God's work. For how can one be a good Christian soldier if one is not shaming someone else for something they cannot change? Better that these freaks live lies so that we can all feel better and more secure in our own sexuality. Of course they "choose" to be gay. Who wouldn't want to be outcast by pretty much the entire world minus Scandanavia? This is far more important than feeding the hungry, curing cancer, ALS, Alzheimers, birth defects, blindness, psychosis, dealing with global warming, teaching tolerance of different cultures and religions, working to end racism, ending poverty, negotiating peace or any of those other minor problems in the world. What a load off my mind. So good to know that this one fag is now totally back in the closet and full of shame and self-hatred again. Whew!

The Onion

Harlowe pleads with senators to ask the King of America to do something about "all the goddamned spiders."

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the tragic falling death of 32-year-old methamphetamine addict Phillip Diggs, who was reportedly attacked by spiders while scaling a large construction crane near Palo Alto, CA, thousands of outraged and confused meth addicts marched frenetically on Washington as part of a week of activities urging the federal government to address the nation's growing spider epidemic.

"Something needs to be done and it needs to be done soon—these spiders are everywhere," said Rich Harlowe, event organizer and founder of Tweakers' Rights NowNowNowNowNowNowNowNowNow!, in testimony before a Senate committee Tuesday. "The government must address this problem before the situation gets out of hand and these poisonous, acid-shooting spiders develop the powers of mind control or—God forbid—flight."

"America cannot afford to ignore this any crisis any longer," Harlowe added.

The rally drew addicts from every part of the country, many traveling on foot through the night, trading sex with truck drivers for rides, or stealing their brothers-in-law's bicycles. At dozens of rambling public speeches, organizers decried the fact that it took the spider-related death of an innocent meth addict to raise awareness of the issue, while lauding the bravery of meth addicts, and methamphetamines themselves.

A 45,000-word proposal was drafted by members of TRN during a marathon, 72-hour meeting under the Roosevelt Bridge, and presented twice to the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. The document, which includes schematics for the development of a giant "spider bomb" the size of Rhode Island, concludes repeatedly that the problem would best be combated with large quantities of methamphetamines and steel wool.

"This very morning, I saw a small child completely covered in hairy, bloodsucking, screaming tarantulas while his parents stood by and did nothing," said protester Joe Lopez, pausing to spit out a black and decayed tooth. "I was appalled. I shouted horrible profanities and incantations at them, but they ignored me."

"I, I, I don't—this is just, just, just—I, I, I—guh, ah," he added.

The TRN proposal closely mirrored the plot of the 1990 horror film Arachnophobia.


TRN activists claimed that they called for federal assistance only as a last resort, after months of trying to contain the problem with diplomacy, force, cathode rays, and methamphetamines.

"These spiders are unstoppable," meth addict and self-described spider-hater Christine Mitchell said. "We've tried everything from scrubbing ourselves raw with bleach, to burning them off with lit cigarettes, to scrubbing ourselves raw with bleach. We've even tried burning them off with lit cigarettes. We're out of options."

Mitchell urged senators to form an anti-spider task force, but cautioned that the creatures' ability to appear and disappear at will would rule out a bleach-related "quick fix" solution to the infestation.

Several other unnamed addicts who wandered in and out of the hearings described their efforts to establish "an open dialogue" with the spiders, but said the arachnids responded by growing dramatically in size and speaking with the voices of John Goodman, Gene Hackman, and Rosie Perez, bringing the first round of negotiations to an abrupt end.

"We tried talking to them, we tried screaming at them, we tried bursting into uncontrollable crying fits in front of them, but nothing seemed to work," said one witness, who refused to divulge his name, age, or "who sent [him] here." "Even with human heads, they would not listen to reason."

Though most committee members had left the hearings before Harlowe's closing remarks at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday, some indicated a willingness to investigate the addicts' claims more closely.

"I believe it is our duty and responsibility to act before we lose even more Americans of voting age," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D–CA), who noted that her home state had more meth addicts than any other in the country. "Pollsters tell us that one in five voters is, has been, or will be a meth addict at some point in their lifetimes. That's a voting bloc too big for us to ignore."

Stephen Colbert

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday -- no matter what happened Tuesday.

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

Margaret Cho

I love my gay male friends, but when I was a little girl I always used to wish that I would be constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys, and I am, and I should have been more specific.

One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat...I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, "Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?" And then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?

Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Bill Hicks

A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to see a fucking cross? Ow! Maybe that's why he hasn't shown up yet...

Janeane Garofalo

Is being an idiot like being high all the time?

Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

Steven Wright

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Screw this serious moody sh*t, I need to laugh more

Demetri Martin

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

Zach Galifianakis

You know you're an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name... and you've never been to that bar before.

Roseanne Barr

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month I can be myself.

Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Mitch Hedberg

I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt. There is no need for that, man. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...damn...I forgot it at home... it's in the filing cabinet...under D...for doughnut."

I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be a "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

No shit, Sherlock

WASHINGTON - The Army general who would carry out President Bush's new war plan urged a skeptical Congress and American public Tuesday to be patient, but acknowledged "the situation in Iraq is dire."

The war in Iraq is illegal, immoral and one that will not be won by anyone. I think GW thought it would be easy, that it would be a repeat of the first Gulf war. I think he thought he would be a hero for knocking out Saddam. He'd throw the army in like gangbusters and the whole thing would be done in a month. It's my belief that he went into this for his own glorification and egomania. What an idiot. I'm sick of seeing Iraqi people dead in the streets. I'm sick of seeing my American brothers and sisters coming home maimed, disabled and in caskets. I am angry at those who voted for this imbecile a second time, despite what harm he had already done to our country. We all know he didn't really win the first time around. To those Americans who helped give this meglomaniac power, this is your fault. You chose this man to run our country and look at what he has done with this power. When you weep for those lost in Iraq remember the blood is on your hands as well. When you voted for GW you told him he was doing a good job, he deserved to keep it. Your vote told him that our country was on the right path. Now I'm sure some of you will comment and give me a bunch of bullshit about my views on this subject. Go ahead and say what you will. No matter how intelligent or tactful your statements you cannot convince me to change my belief. He took us from a period of relative peace into fighting so much that most of our national guard is guarding another nation. Our government went from having a surplus under Clinton to the biggest deficit in history. Government money to programs for healthcare and education are being slashed to give more money to the military. His government allows and sanctions the abuse of prisioners. He has sanctioned torture. He has declared several of our constitutional rights invalid under his authority alone. He says it's ok for the government to listen in on your phone calls and read your email and look at your bank accounts. And he doesn't need any stinking warrants or the approval of anyone. He has used fear and biogtry to get what he wants. GW has taken more power than any other president and we have let him do it. And he really fucked up with the Katrina situation. Yes, the mayor of New Orleans and the governor of LA share the blame. But ultimately it was his responsibility to take care of his people here in America. He has cheated and lied. GW has let us down at every turn. He is speeding the demise of America. We have lost economic strength. We have lost valuable allies in the world. We have lost the respect of other countries. We have lost our integrity by behaving as bad or worse than our enemies. GW has screwed us up the ass a hundred ways. Tonight he will feed the media a bunch of bullshit on tv. I for one will not listen anymore. I'm sick of his speeches and declarations of victory. At this time I am certain he lives in a reality all his own. And one thing I know about the future is that he will not stop. We have to stop him.

As of five pm today I will be on a mental, emotional, and physical vacation. This weekend I will do absolutely nothing and I am so excited to get started. Enjoy your weekend and don't call before noon. I need some sleep.

Child update

Monday was not good. After a nearly constant tug-of-war for power with my two year old all morning, I was hoping the afternoon would be better. Silly silly silly me. I put her in her crib for her nap and spent some lovely quality time with my son. Awhile later I heard her playing and went into her room to get her out of bed. As soon as I walked into the room I wished I had just ignored her for the rest of the day. She had taken her pants and socks and diaper off, wet her sheets and blankets, gotten feces all over herself and rubbed all over her doll. I tried to remain calm I picked her up (very carefully), put her in the bathtub, used baby wipes to clean off the feces and left her in an empty tub while I cleaned up her bed. Mind you, this is NOT the first time she has done this. She knows it is a no-no. A very big no-no. When I went back to give her a proper bath I felt a terrible rage. I knew if I stayed with her that there was a very good chance I would physically harm her. So I had to wake up poor JD, who had worked the night before, to take care of her. He'd had very little sleep and it was difficult to rouse him. But I had to. When he started coming to I explained the situation and told him, "I'm afraid I'm going to hold her head under water if I give her a bath. You have to do it." Being the good man that he is he got up immediately and told me to take as much time as I needed. As he started running the water I just broke down. I couldn't stop crying. I don't know if it was because I felt so guilty for my anger or if I was just feeling like a parent who has absolutely no control or what. Anyway it took a long time to compose myself. I hid in our bedroom for most of the rest of the day.

You all had some good advice on how to deal with her but what it boils down to is this: I believe in discipline and boundaries for children. In our home we have certain rules that we all live by, even the adults. My daughter is old enough to comprehend many of the rules we have but still disregards them. Some things, yes, she is too young to understand and we let those things slide. And she is wonderfully fiesty and I don't want to kill that in her. However, what kind of a parent would I be if I don't teach her that there are lines we don't cross because it is dangerous to ourselves or to other people or because it is just wrong? What I struggle with her on are not negotiable items. I don't care if she wants to wear silly clothes or if she only wants to eat carrots one day. The big problem is the struggle to teach her that it is wrong to pull her brother's hair or take his toy without asking or that climbing on the table is not safe.

I'd like to point out that NO ONE offered to babysit.

I cannot wait for the weekend. Two more days. Two more days.

Violence only begets more violence

Tragic. We are thoughtlesss, senseless, ignorant, hostile, violent creatures and sadly our children imitate what they see...

Several boys die copying Saddam hanging
CAIRO, Egypt - The boys' deaths — scattered in the United States, in Yemen, in Turkey and elsewhere in seemingly isolated horror — had one thing in common: They hanged themselves after watching televised images of Saddam Hussein's execution.

Officials and relatives say the children appeared to be mimicking the former dictator's Dec. 30 hanging, shown both on a sanitized Iraqi government tape and explicit clandestine videos that popped up on Web sites and some TV channels.

The leaked videos, apparently taken by cell phone cameras, set off international outrage over the raucous scene at Saddam's execution, but some experts are more concerned about the images of the deposed Iraqi leader dropping through the gallows floor and his body swinging at the end of a rope.

The experts say such graphic images can severely affect youngsters who do not yet understand the consequences of death and violence — especially because Saddam's death received intense international attention.

"They see how it's done, but they don't think it's horrific, and they're more likely to imitate it," said Hisham Ramy, an associate professor of psychiatry at Ain Shams University in Cairo.

A day after Saddam's execution, a 10-year-old boy in Texas hanged himself from a bunk bed after watching a news report on the execution. Police in the Houston suburb of Webster said the boy, Sergio Pelico, tied a slipknot around his neck while on the bed but had not mean to kill himself.

"I don't think he thought it was real," Julio Gustavo, Sergio's uncle, said afterward. "They showed them putting the noose around his neck and everything. Why show that on TV?"

Something similar occurred in Turkey, where 12-year-old Alisen Akti hanged himself Wednesday from a bunk bed after watching TV footage. His father, Esat Akti, told a newspaper in the southeastern province of Mus that his son had been affected by the televised images.

"After watching Saddam's execution he was constantly asking 'How was Saddam killed?' and 'Did he suffer?'" Akti was quoted as saying. "These television images are responsible for my son's death."

Nine-year-old Mubassahr Ali, from the eastern Pakistan town of Rahim Yar Khan, died hours after Saddam when he also mimicked the ousted leader's execution, local police official Sultan Ahmed Chaudhry said.

"The ill-fated boy used a long piece of cloth, tied it with a ceiling fan and wrapped its other end around his neck. Then he stood on a chair and fell down," Chaudhry said.

In Yemen, at least two young boys died and another was injured in apparent imitations of Saddam's hanging.

One of the cases involved a 13-year-old junior high school student who hanged himself after watching Saddam's execution on television, a Yemeni security official said.

When the boy's family returned to their home outside the capital, San'a, on Wednesday, they found him hanging from a tree wearing a traditional Arab headdress, said the boy's cousin, Yahya al-Hammadi.

In Saudi Arabia, a 12-year-old boy was found by his brother hanging from an iron door with a rope around his neck, the newspaper Okaz reported. The boy, Sultan Abdullah al-Shemmeri, lived with his family in the province of Hafr al-Baten, near the Iraqi border.

"The child was just 12 years old and didn't really know whether the execution of Saddam was something good or bad," a Saudi Interior Ministry official said Saturday. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the press.

Local media in Algeria and India also have reported other mimicking deaths, but these could not immediately be confirmed.

Ramy, the professor in Egypt, said children are prone to imitating violence they encounter on television, the Internet and movies, but usually they act out against another person. Mimicking a hanging or suicide is unusual, but perhaps in this case it is unsurprising, he said.

Because "some people have said Saddam is a hero and martyr and have glorified his death, this has affected children," Ramy said.

But Jasem Hajia, a child psychologist in Kuwait City, cautioned against placing all the blame on video images. "This is extreme, and I think there were physiological disorders as well with the children," Hajia said.

___

Associated Press writers Ahmed al-Haj in Yemen and Khalid Tanveer in Pakistan contributed to this report.

Question: What is the best method of birth control?

Answer: Spending time with the children you already have.

Seriously, my kids are making me crazy. The constant bickering, the whining, the lack of respect for my authority is taking its toll. A friend is taking them for all of next weekend so I can get some time off but I don't know how I'm going to manage to get through this week. I am exhausted and burned out. These two creatures are the greatest gift and the greatest joy in my life. But why is it that right now I can only fantasize about being away from them? I am counting down the days, literally. In all honesty I would love to run away from home today. Doesn't matter where I go as long as it is not here. How awful is that? All the yoga and relaxation breathing in the world cannot make this feel better. Calgon, take me away!

Sheikh Taj El-Din Hilaly, the Muslim Pat Robertson

Man, it sure is nice to see that idiots roam free all over the world. Shame on us all for giving them any attention whatsoever.

CANBERRA (Reuters) - One of Australia's top Muslim clerics, who inflamed anti-Muslim sentiment by comparing unveiled women to "uncovered meat", was in trouble again on Friday after saying Muslim Australians had more right to the country than people descended from convicts.

Sheikh Taj El-Din Hilaly, the mufti of Australia's biggest mosque in Sydney, told Egyptian television in an interview that white Australians originally arrived in convict chains.

"We (Muslims) came as free people. We bought our own tickets. We are entitled to Australia more than they are," he said in comments translated for Australian television networks.

The controversy last year over his 'women as meat' sermon was a conspiracy to "bring the Islamic community to its knees", Hilaly said, calling white Australians the "biggest liars".

Hilaly angered community and political leaders and divided the country's 280,000 Muslims in a Ramadan sermon last September in which he appeared to criticise heavy jail sentences given to a group of convicted gang rapists.

The Egyptian-born cleric said immodestly dressed women were like uncovered meat left out for a cat.

Prime Minister John Howard said Hilaly's latest comments would bring a wry smile to the face of Australians whose ancestors came to the country between 1788 and 1850 among 162,000 convicts sent from England.

"It's almost a badge of honour for many Australians," Howard said.

Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said Hilaly was no longer taken seriously.

"I'm a South Australian. South Australia was never a convict colony, so I'm very relaxed about what people say about convicts," Downer quipped.

Islamic Friendship Association president Keysar Trad, a close friend of Hilaly's, said the cleric's latest comments were "ill-advised", apologising for any offence.

A popular men's magazine this month awarded Hilaly its "Funny Guy of the Year" award for 2006 and compared his meat sermon to an "absurdist comedy" worthy of an "Islamic Seinfeld".